Saturday, August 15, 2009

writings of the self

there are ways that i feel about people and i cant say that there is much peoples that i talk to because mostly i just talk to people that i know on aim and whatnot. well yeah so no there isnt much peoples that i open up to as i have been very to mySELF and for the longest time i have just been thinking and believing much stuff through my mind never actually writing it down and this has gotten me into quite the mess i would say. i say this because it only ever stays as the mind and no real progress ever emerges. i remember intending to talk about how i was feeling and what not, my views on whats going on with people but mostly what seemed to happen was that i would end up getting very frustrated. it would become that i would intend to impose my believes unto people and no this was not effective at all for myself that is. well i dont allow and accept that what i was going into that preprogramation now i would that it is a program because once stopped it is no longer here and i would say exression emerges as yourself.

resistance points that i have found within me are when talking with jocelyn. i feel as if shes too busy searching for something seperate from herself and i dont allow myself to make anything out of this but i also dont tell her how i feel in the moment which is something that we have agreed upon but speaking about it now i keep this to myself, to build up in a way. but i so much apprecate when i just let everything out and there is nothing left to hide, its a cool releasal that i enjoy. when i speak myself out it is directly what im experiancing in the moment as myself towards an individual in this case it would be jocelyn much because really jocelyn is the person that i talk too, alot. i always consider jocelyn as here no matter what, we are walking together and thats how i feel.

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