Monday, August 10, 2009

writings of the self

ok so far in life:
mostly what i have been focusing on is for one, the breathe, im here. i have been also focusing i guess you can say on this female jocelyn. so far i have guided myself through alot of falling into desire and emotion through breathing veryday and letting go of life definitions, all thoughts. now i cant say that this is entirely true because when im not as the breathe i am contemplating shit pretty much and so thats the way it works. how do i feel about this being in my life, well lets see i enjoy very much being with her, talking to her breathing air with her, lol it is amazing. now when it comes to where do i see anything going? what is this? where am i seeing myself going off to in terms of her? sometimes i dont exactly know what it is that i want from her because really quite frankly i dont want anything. ok, i want her to not br confused sp tp speak about where we stand and i will not accept and allow any fudgesticles. lol, well she has a boyfriend and to me it seems that its a on her terms kind oof thing and that she wants this thing to fill this void in her life that she feels needs a placement and so definately that is not what i accept and allow as ourselves. now it has been that i have wanted her to myself and it has shown because i feel that when she would talk about her boyfriend i felt as if it was influenced into walking into a preprogramation of some sort in where i deliberatly attempt, impose to repel him by means of myself. i have recognized this and i have corrected what it means to allow myself to desire this being as something that i can take control of to my will, to my liking and so i no longer accept and allow that. i must admit though that this is some resistance thinking towards as imposition to myself when i see that she is resisting and going about her own bullshit as i feel as if we should enjoy ourselves unconditionally.

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