Sunday, August 23, 2009

writings of the self

ok on process and whats going on.
its been that consistancy as breathe is developing and its a something that i place here above all else you can say. almost i can say that it is sacred and so this is where i find myself. something that i have stopped is having attached believes towards and as impositions regarding people and myself. so pretty much i am here and i listen, i place words inside myself and i am and do realize when i am conjuring up the thoughtforms that i have for some time been busy creating as this mind consciousness system that i became. but yes so that has come to a stand still, meaning no more! consistancy is as i allow myself to be here and it has been that i am here not as a pattern of realities, mmm personalities but simply here. its been that each and every day consistancy is developed and it is the pause between each in and out breathe that this consistancy is formed. firstly what must be stopped is self judgement and to the recognition of self judgement. everything is here not seperate from self in a world apart from you or anything like this. so the key is to stop in the actual imposition as more of a forgiveness for what you have accepted and allowed.

Monday, August 17, 2009

writings of the self

if who i am does not altar in the proces of sharing insight with others regardless of their though process, i just dont see why i shouldnt stand up in this way. if i stand clear within myself and what i see its only common sence to do so. i dont see how i should conform to people and what they accept and allow because if i remain clear than that means that i am doing this for myself.
its only common sence to take everything that we consist of and bring it here where its common sence. well that is what i have been doing so far and it is just another way to talk about what is going on, to bring it here. i enjoy doing this with people. while by myself i remain here clear as the breathe and what i have talked about and what i have been able to see is that as the breathe i in a way pull myself out of my mind and i see it as a limitation, a beginning and an end of a thought pattern which i have believed, fueled and powered to exsist. and i have also thought about scenarios in where ill be as breathe after i had just percieved myself undergoing something and i think wtf? thats just fucked up.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

writings of the self

there are ways that i feel about people and i cant say that there is much peoples that i talk to because mostly i just talk to people that i know on aim and whatnot. well yeah so no there isnt much peoples that i open up to as i have been very to mySELF and for the longest time i have just been thinking and believing much stuff through my mind never actually writing it down and this has gotten me into quite the mess i would say. i say this because it only ever stays as the mind and no real progress ever emerges. i remember intending to talk about how i was feeling and what not, my views on whats going on with people but mostly what seemed to happen was that i would end up getting very frustrated. it would become that i would intend to impose my believes unto people and no this was not effective at all for myself that is. well i dont allow and accept that what i was going into that preprogramation now i would that it is a program because once stopped it is no longer here and i would say exression emerges as yourself.

resistance points that i have found within me are when talking with jocelyn. i feel as if shes too busy searching for something seperate from herself and i dont allow myself to make anything out of this but i also dont tell her how i feel in the moment which is something that we have agreed upon but speaking about it now i keep this to myself, to build up in a way. but i so much apprecate when i just let everything out and there is nothing left to hide, its a cool releasal that i enjoy. when i speak myself out it is directly what im experiancing in the moment as myself towards an individual in this case it would be jocelyn much because really jocelyn is the person that i talk too, alot. i always consider jocelyn as here no matter what, we are walking together and thats how i feel.

Friday, August 14, 2009

writings of the self

ok the following has been happening: when i put aside all "other" stuff which is basically everything and pull in and blow out as the breathe something interesting happens. i feel life as the moment, also in regards to when talking to other people almost as everything that has been perceptions or believes mind chatter, whatever it no longer feels as imposition towards life. well so continues life as the breathe, mmmmmmm slowly but surely i push through as life as me as breathe. i have been finding that as the breathe as i have been here talking myself out that if who i am talking to is not here that they are not quite understanding what it is that i am talking about. no anythings puffing out for this matter. i have been finding myself pushing through that which i have been i would say kind of ummm holding back on, supressing myself on and its cool i would say. no difference again im saying on who i am but as i realize this is what appreciation of life is really about, the stand up.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

writings of the self

i have been going through desteni videos over again as i enjoy listening to all at desteniproductions. im watching the videos with jocelyn and she seems very interested, especially in the history of the portal. its not really a big deal or anything like that were just watching them as i am sharing myself and videos that i have enjoyed watching with her. when talking to jocelyn its a process that both of us are going through since she is female and i am male and so far i have not accepted and allowed myself to not stand up whenever it is that i see what is happening as i place her as myself. well what has been going on so far with jocelyn and i is this. jocelyn sees the effectiveness of applying self honesty but she is not aware of self and what self is as to stand up for herself. it is cool that jocelyn is willing to apply self honesty but at the same time jocelyn has a relationship construct so that is something that together we will have to investigate for ourselvesas for jocelyn she believes very much feelings and emotions as something that she cannot consider for herself to let go. i have not been applying breathing in every moment as self as life and this is not something that i will continue to accept and allow. many ideas pass through my head about what jocelyn is going through and how i am involved in this as how she is not able to let go of her story. breathe walking, pull it in blow it out, breath walking.

Monday, August 10, 2009

writings of the self

ok so far in life:
mostly what i have been focusing on is for one, the breathe, im here. i have been also focusing i guess you can say on this female jocelyn. so far i have guided myself through alot of falling into desire and emotion through breathing veryday and letting go of life definitions, all thoughts. now i cant say that this is entirely true because when im not as the breathe i am contemplating shit pretty much and so thats the way it works. how do i feel about this being in my life, well lets see i enjoy very much being with her, talking to her breathing air with her, lol it is amazing. now when it comes to where do i see anything going? what is this? where am i seeing myself going off to in terms of her? sometimes i dont exactly know what it is that i want from her because really quite frankly i dont want anything. ok, i want her to not br confused sp tp speak about where we stand and i will not accept and allow any fudgesticles. lol, well she has a boyfriend and to me it seems that its a on her terms kind oof thing and that she wants this thing to fill this void in her life that she feels needs a placement and so definately that is not what i accept and allow as ourselves. now it has been that i have wanted her to myself and it has shown because i feel that when she would talk about her boyfriend i felt as if it was influenced into walking into a preprogramation of some sort in where i deliberatly attempt, impose to repel him by means of myself. i have recognized this and i have corrected what it means to allow myself to desire this being as something that i can take control of to my will, to my liking and so i no longer accept and allow that. i must admit though that this is some resistance thinking towards as imposition to myself when i see that she is resisting and going about her own bullshit as i feel as if we should enjoy ourselves unconditionally.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

writings of the self

there is something that i see in bernard poolman that i see as myself and i have thought about this quite some while ago. bernard said that those who realize, realize that the breathe is their savior as i have realized. the other say i was walking and i began realizing that the substance that bernard speaks of is the breathe that is you, that is the substance that we have to become worthy of again so that we are not ejected after death as unworthy of the substance. i dont allow myself to come up with perceptions about life in general as i see that this is just a way for the mind to cope and feel secure and safe for itself. because i can think of a million possibilities tro continue to create exsistance as the mind as dellision but i see that this must be stopped in all ways. i can see how i have not actually ever really considered taking on all of self as who i am as the moment as to stop the mind. i have only ever actually realized stopping in but mind related aspects of my life, so defined as to my liking. so that is my test as realization as standing clear as not of mind as life as the breathe.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

writings of the self

i have gone thus far in process in where i am able to direct self as so far as my limmitation that i hold for myself. whatever that limitation may be i am not quite sure of it. i am refering to specifically to "floating" in where self releases self as an eventual point as the breathe. i realize that for this i have to stop much of waiting around and stuff like that like watching t.v. and whatnot. i have realized that willing self to move self is very real in self realization as the breathe as self infinately and so it is a true releasal. this has yet to fully activate as i am enjoying myself as self expression and preventing self abuse in every moment as i am. i will contiunously remain here as the breathe.

Monday, August 3, 2009

writings of the self

i have been talking with people mostly and its been interesting talking with them as we talk about stuff but its just talking ourselbves out. alot of time i see that there isno flow as to their talk but i find it funny as i do not allow this and the conversation flows. i enjoy talking with people and also correcting and stopping myself as the breathe but i must say that i have not stopped all thoughts and so this is mostly what i am enjoying of in the stopping and i see it as effective change as i can see it as my flow. i was having pain on my right testicle and it was something that i did not enjoy as i know that pain manifests because of contructs and so i began to consider what it was that was going on. firstly i began to solely focus on breathe and i layed down for alot of the day and fell asleep until later but i also dreamt alot as well. i have yet to prove to myself 21 days to freedom as i have been just allowing it to slowly come to me and this is what i have been doing. this also implyus that im waiting for something and that i am not actually willing to let go of all and consider all as well. 21 days to freedom i will begin this breathe by breathe and i will will myself as the breathe

Sunday, August 2, 2009

writings of the self

walking in this world for me is delightful in many ways as i explore myself as in this world, as in it but not of it. as i roam this world there is no urge or desire to do anything at all. things that may come as desires that may not be questioed can be things as sex, girls, it can be the things not considered and so as i remains here i realizes seperation is very clear. as i breathe i am here, all and everything as iam abd so this is how i am certain of myself as i realize when self as breathe is resistant or unwilling here as breathe shows all. as i am here all around i move this world as i am not seperate, i remains.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

writings of the self

walking with myself in every moment as considering all that i acce[t and allow as myself there has been much that i am notticing in particular to pretty muvh the same things as the emotions and feelings that run my program so to speak. in the moment as i stop all participation in emotions and feelings that i have accepted and allowed as myself i allow myself as the breathe to remain and it is effective so long as i remain and no longer allow myself to go on into trains of thoughts as i have allowed to exsist as. the mind as you are is very consequential so it is very specific all and everything that manifest as you are as you as the mind, as i as the mind will not want to be seen. so what you live as is what is manifested as all that you are allowing and accepting as the illusion of yourself. stop the mind and open up all aspects of who you are in order to untangle the mind to reveal self as actual life as self in all ways.