Wednesday, July 29, 2009

writings of the self

i have woken up recently, no effort and swiftly but gently. my dream involved me being with my cousin for quite some time. i remember being at my elemantary school and that we were hanging out at a hill with forest plants and we were doing stuff with more people. authorities came and we eventually walked away but there was some people who had been taken but i was without notice. i was over at the car with my cousin and we were waiting for everyone to show up but eventually y cousins started up the car and we were off. we were going through the highway and i remember that i was holding unto my chair and that my chair moved and rotated equivalent to the road, it was linked in a way. my cousin was aware of this as she was driving but eventually i calmed down and began to face the front as i let go of the chair. we eventually reached a supermarket in a place unknown but it was a view that looked like a mall entrance and we got out of the car. i lost my cousin somewhere in the supermarket and i tryed looking for her with no sucess. i ended seeing this guy with a mask and we greeted each other recognizing that we are here and i think i tapped him on the back. before i woke up i remember wanting coca-cola from the super market but that i didnt know if i should take the regular flavored or vanilla coke and so i ended up just taking both.

before i fell asleep last night i layed down on the sofa and i willed myself to moment by moment breathe by breathe slow down. with the will it not a matter of pressure just self trust to move myself to do this and i relaxed myself in this way, in fact i had been doing this for quite some time as i remember dazing out and realizing that much time had passed but that i was still here as the breathe. and so it was a pleasant wake up from this. still although i have been going through the day realize when it is that i am not here as the breathe this has been my days and how im living and i will continue to realize myself as the breathe but i must admit sometimes i feel as if it is something to become or something like that. it is not horrific in terms of attacking myself violantly and with no regards towards myself but i would call it almost as an irritability that i experiance.

1 comment:

  1. I breathe. Nothing to become, just be.

    Do you have something attached to this school? This period?