Monday, July 27, 2009

writings of the self

i have spent the night speaking with a female that i have known for quite some while. i have found out much about myself while speaking with her and mainly its because what i do just falls back on me because she does the same but we allow ourselves to be ourselves and this is sometimes that i enjoy for the most part but at the same times i have caught myself also thinking about stuff about her which is absolutely not true and that i have many hidden agendas that i allow as i discovered when i told her my hidden agenda that i had believed out of my perception about her as what i was seeing and connecting it together and so it was like the perfect deillusion lol.

i allowed myself to feel incomplete, to feel as if i wasnt being succesful enough with my process and it was so rael what i had been going through because of what she had told me and what i had believed of the situation. after i had told her this, that which i had been going through we talked about it as were getting down to the truth of why we are doing the things were doing and also helping each other by allowing ourselves to feel comfortable all around while we talk and it has gone through that i have noticed that for ehr it is that she also feels uncomfortable telling me some stuff through self judgement of her believes. what i had percieved of the situation that had happened was that she was feeling regret because of the fact that she had told me a truth about herself regarding her boyfriend and i felt as if i was being taken for an illusion of hers but this made me think differently of the situation because then i was being directed by thoughts of myself assuming that she was talking to her boyfriend because i kept hearing this clinking noice which to me sounded like texting and also i percieved that she was acting differently because of the truth of her and so i began to feel differently.

i forgve myself for accepting and allowing myself to feeel differently about myself without even realizing that i have secret agendas as my thoughts that i do not even consider and that even percieving something is of the mind and has to be considered for me to stop the mind.

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