Friday, July 10, 2009
writings of the self
throughout my day today i have been going through myself and looking at stuff as im accepting and allowing myself. im going to bring my journal with me to places that im off to because it will help me assist me when im finding myself thinking but unaware or unwilling to look at what is directly here as when im doing this. because if self honesty is to be applied effectively i must allow myself to actually stand within all of me as i am. im finding myself talking to my family from my starting point being here especially in regards to my mother with nothing particularly coming from anything outside of me but just speaking me in self expression and randomly. before, and im talking about not quite too long ago i judged myself to an extent where i was unable to step out of my bubble world as i had created it. i did not enjoy this at all because it involved alot of judgement in particular it affected my self expression and i was afraid that i would be wrong in all ways and not "correct" enough with myself to get my "point" across to people. this has been corrected by myself and through my self expression in the moment i realize all that i was accepting and allowing and living in polarity of and how i viewed myself as this image of the "good" and of the "bad". in particular the good consisted of wanting to see myself as this great hero practicing self honesty by speaking about it and allowing people to see that i was "different". the bad side was when i was feeling very guilty for myself for what i was accepting and allowing knowing that i was creating this polarity in the moment that i was accepting and allowing this and how also i would be seen for this. in the moment im allowing myself to breathe here and express to an extent but i know that i can apply myself more effectively by breathing more consistantly, i could speed up "process", and so i find myself applying at my own pace.