Sunday, July 12, 2009
writings of the self
i have been out all day today with the family. it was very interesting to be with them, walking with them and notticing stuff that i dont know if i just never realized before or if its that they are different somehow. we went to an amusement park located near a lake and i enjoyed being there. there was much people at the lake and i was finding myself looking for something in others, in particular girls. i could not help myself but to look at all girls bodys and also to get their attention and the thought of energy transfer came to mind but i didnt dwell on it for long. this happened for a while but i grew tired of this and i began to do the four count breathe and i was here. it changed as i was here because then it was me directing self and i was just observing everything and everyone as it happened and i also felt relaxed, calm and here as i am. much things im realizing about the members of my family that i hadnt taken into account for also for the reason that i had almost never shared myself with them for a long time since i was alot younger. i enjoyed being with them as well. i have been coming aware that all thoughts are just judgement charges as the mind, and i also wondered if this was just my mind as it is or all minds as they are. this also makes me stop under all circumstances of the allowing of myself to not be here as the breathe because as i see it, it is a limitation that i would rather not allow.