Tuesday, July 14, 2009

follow up on comment

what i saw in my family members as i began realizing in their behavior as they continued throughout the days as i allowed myself to observe what it was that they accepted and allowed was the same things being played out. ill start with my uncle. as i express myself i realized that my uncle and i held a relationship that consisted of conversation in specific to a polarity in which i would contribute in where i saw myself as "less than" him. i looked "up" to him and to an extent he treated me as an equal in terms of what he accepted and allowed in and as his life. well i began to realize that my uncle expects out of our relationship towards each other in seperation of ourselves and as i didnt accept or allow this he continously kept coming unto my presence out of looking for "something". i notticed this right away the first time when i visited my grandmothers house and i went up to him slowly, confidently and i looked him in his eyes and i saw resistance and so i smiled and i reached my hand out for him and grabbed him and hugged him and i wanted no more, i walked away. well i have seen my uncle change his way of being as well as many others in my family. as for my uncle i see that he bis actually being influenced by me without actually wanting to see this or show it for that matter and that he sees himself as one of the "guys" but the guys being lower and less than the "girls" which are his older sisters in a way. and so i see a history between this family and what is and has been going on as what has been accepted and allowed as the family relationship.
in the moment i see what is accepted and allowed as whats here with my family in terms of what is going on and how im influencing and directing the moment as what is being accepted and allowed. to an extent i see that these beings with this formed relationship attempt to allow "respect" for one another but that it is coming to conflict because they are not allowing themselves to let go of preexsisting concepts and believes about themselves as what currently they are as their acceptances and allowances so for everyone its still quite there. as for myself i express in the moment as i am and i witness alot of acceptances and allowances as they happen and sometimes i see that when people dont fall into their image as i embrace them as they are that they begin to allow themselbves to feel very uncomfortable and seek accept through me.
my aunt is older than my uncle. my aunt has changed some what from the perspective that she does not act and react as i once saw her as. im not exactly sure of this is because of the fact that my starting point has changed with them or simply because she has let go of believes that defined her in a certain way but what is clear is what she accepts and allows in the moment as i see it here. what i saw with my aunt was that she covers up insecurities by exposing others to appear less than who she is. i did assume while she was over that she surely was doing, playing this out when the shower turned hotter than usual and i blamed her in my mind. so i can see that this is something that i accept and allow in my life as well. i was bothered by it in the moment until i realized that it was in fact just my opinion about who she is and so i stopped and took a look at this as myself. i no longer want to assume and create and not take self resposability for all that is me in terms of what i accept and allow as that which is exsistance as i am. this is just unnacceptable. well i enjoyed sharing me with my aunt.
to be continued...

1 comment:

  1. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to treat my uncle as more than me when I engage a conversation.

    I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to be lesser than others as I perceive the situation of my uncle to be as this.

    I forgive myself that I have accepted and allow myself to not wanting to assume things.

    I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think its bad to assume things, knowing that I am aware of the things I assume, and will be adressing in self-forgiveness accordingly.

    I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to assume things, knowing that in 'not wanting' I resist it, and thus it will persist.

    I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to differentiate the allowances of my family members within and as them in accordance to myself.

    I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself not te see that I can perceive the allowances of my family only because these allowances are existend within me.